The day I refused to give up

Soundtrack: “Remember the Name” by Fort Minor

August 18th, 2014.

Nursing school. The horror stories I had heard before entering the program. Jesus, I was so scared, I literally couldn’t sleep the night before my first class. I was an A,B student in college. At a COMMUNITY COLLEGE. I decided to not attend a university simply because

1. It is highly expensive

2. I didn’t want student loans.

3. I didn’t want to dorm because I can’t stand living in such close quarters with someone I barley know. Let’s face it, people can just be plain gross.

4. Me and my anxiety? Yeah.. dorm life wasn’t going to happen chief.

I was terrible at school from elementary all the way through high school. I barely passed a few times. It is not because I am stupid, it was pure laziness and I thought, at the time, school was stupid. But come on, if you read my last few entries, it just adds to the stereotypical pissed off kid. Well, I wasn’t laughing when I had to basically repeat high school ALL OVER again because I don’t think I ever brought a book home. AND had to pay for it at that. I did the bare minimum to get by and that bit me right in the ass.

After it took me two forevers and a day, a major change and two awful relationships later, I was finally in that second row, last desk on the right. I remember thinking, “I’m starting nursing school in this chair and I am going to finish nursing school in this chair.

FAST FORWARD TWO yearsnursing school

….I graduated. The First time.. through the program. We lost so many people each semester. It was dog eat dog. You saw your classmates more then your family. But I did it. Though, I had some people who didn’t think I would. More on that on a later post.

At my pinning ceremony, I swear to you, I watched my mother and my father take a huge sigh of relief. I put them threw a ringer man. But I gave them a degree.

We grew up barely making it. My mother worked 2-3 jobs to put food on the table and I shared a king size bed with my mother and my sister for years. I refused to live that way. I remember being 12 years old, watching my mother cry by the window thinking about where the hell the rent was coming from. But somehow, she made it work. Every time. But I didn’t want that. I couldn’t let the cycle repeat itself.

I worked as a nurses assistant for a major hospital. They actually supported me through my breakdown from 2013-2014. When I graduated and passed my NCLEX, I was given a position as a registered nurse on the same floor. I am medical/surgical nurse. Basically, we get surgical patients first. Mostly hips, knee replacements, but also bowel resections, colostomy takedowns, gallbladder removals, ect. But we also get very sick patients with bowel infections, pneumonia, congestive heart failure, ect. You see the whole realm of shit. I love every damn second of it. Even when I do have a moment of completely wanting to freak out, I get over it and keep going.

I’m not making thousands of dollars, but I don’t have to worry where my mortgage is coming from and I certainly never have to worry about the electricity staying on. I also (thanks to my dad) for a down payment  right before nursing school started, because that dodge spirits engine was about to blow up, I got myself a reliable Toyota Camry. The first car I ever bought with a car payment and I didn’t have to worry about it shutting off as I’m driving.

I also graduated with zero student loan debt. I never paid a dime for nursing school or my books. Federal grants and scholarships paid the entire bill.

No matter where you come from, no matter who tells you you can’t do something, YOU have the power to change your situation. No one can take motivation from you.


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