Soundtrack: “Perfect” by Pink
Ever since nursing school started in 2014, it has literally been my life. I think about my job way too often and I find that at times, I can’t enjoy what is happening around me. I can’t shut my brain off from it 95% of the time. Now, I am hoping this is something that happens in your first year or two out of the gate and then after that, you just learn to leave work at the door.
With that said, I don’t even know what I like to do. You know when you meet someone and then you get that question, “What do you like to do?” I’m like a deer in headlights because honestly, I have no idea. So, I’ve been thinking about interesting things that have made me happy over the years, that I have not done in a long, long time.
- I do enjoy Hiking, camping (fake camping, where there’s a bathroom/shower and electricity near your camp site, I’m not even going to lie).
- I love food and ever since I quit smoking in July 2015, a lot of my stomach issues have subsided, so I’ve been a lot more adventurous in my food choices (hence why, I’m on a diet now because I can actually eat without the symptoms of Chron’s disease!)
- I love amusement parks, money stealing carney games like ring toss and get this softball in the basket (which I have done only ONE time!)
- I love coffee, but don’t get fancy about it. I only go to Starbucks if I have no other choice and if I ask for a medium and you say “grande” or whichever one it is, I’m going to say, “Don’t do this with me chief”.
- I like shopping. Not necessarily clothes, because looking into the mirror and quietly sobbing is not my idea of a good time, but going to antique shops and digging through stuff. You never know what you’ll find. It’s kinda like digging into the $5 DVD bin at Wal-Mart and finding “that” movie and getting way too excited over it.
- I love all types of music. Anything that involves music, I am down.
- The beach. How I miss you so!
There’s also so many things I haven’t gotten to do.
- Zip Lining
- White water rafting (because why the hell not?)
- Bungy jumping (^ same)
- Rock climbing
- Learn how to play the guitar
- Volunteer at an animal shelter and try very hard to not bring every animal home.
These are all awesome things that I haven’t done in a long time or ever. What’s the issue with all these activities? You need to find someone who has similar interests and go do these activities. Money also plays a role. Which because I decided I’d go ahead and get married, I have little of at the moment. My issue has always been, I have no one to share this with. Yes, I have Brandon and yes, he is pretty freaking great, but you also want to do things separately. I want friends to hang out with, which I’ve always had a rough time making any.
I was told, “You have to make an effort. It takes effort to make friends and keep a friendship going.” Okay, so I will admit I have REALLY been trying to make an effort. But it comes off so weird and needy I think. You can ask someone, “Do you want to hang out some time?” They could say “Yeah! That be fun.” But when you ask them what day they are free or what they want to do, I feel I get A. The run around B. No response or C. See them, but never bring it up again because it is awkward and you don’t want to come off creepy.
I think I’m pretty fun and I think I’m funny. I also do not feel I try too hard at it. I also think it is because I feel like I annoy people, so I never call or text as much as some others would. I have also been seriously burned by people who I thought were more then an acquaintance , but ended up being a lying, freeloading scumbag. So, yeah, I have some trust issues. But Damn if I didn’t get woken up, more then once, at 0300 because someone needed a ride. So I’ve gotten my ass up and got them. I used to be that good friend, who always showed up, always gave gifts on birthdays and holidays. Then I just got screwed too many times, so I stopped. I think that’s why most people believe I’m an asshole.
What I really am interested in knowing, is how some people can make friends with anyone they come in contact with and they get invited to all these small hang outs and celebrations. People trust them with all their deepest, personal B*S and I can’t even get someone to come out to lunch with me. So what I REALLY want to know, is what is it about me that makes people avoid me. Even if I AM RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. Maybe it’s just me, honestly. Maybe I come off as “leave me alone, not interested” or for whatever reason. I know I’m just not everyone’s cup of tea.
I have three people in my wedding party. My sister, my cousin and my friend Avery*. Family can tell you whatever they want and vice versa and they will still love you. Avery is pretty much my family so there you go.
This isn’t a “poor me” entry. This is a “Okay, this has gone on long enough and I want some answers!” post. Even if that’s “Honestly, you are just a weird bird.” Then, fine. Tell me what that is. What does make me laugh, Brandon and I talked about this yesterday actually, but I never had an issue finding a boyfriend or someone with interest, who I had to let down because they kept attempting. But finding a girlfriend to go to the beach with or friends to go to an amusement park with, forgetaboutit! Go figure!